it was like eating out sand paper
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
