You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
