I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
