i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
