We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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