yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
