I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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