I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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