i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
