i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
