I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
