Swine flu. Run for my life!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
