Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
