I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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