Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
