epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
