Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
