You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
