Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
