By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
