Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
