You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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