Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
