Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
