We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
