So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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