I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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