Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
