The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
