sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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