When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
