I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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