Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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