Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
