Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
