everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
