I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
