I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize