No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
