btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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