our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
