You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
