Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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