how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
