I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
