I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The air was thick with penises
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
