Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
