Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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