So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
