btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
