jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone came in the potted fern
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
