I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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