Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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