This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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