Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
