I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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