Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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