you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
