So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
