I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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