so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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