the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize