so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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