meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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