Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
