I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
