Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
