We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
