My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
