your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
